Dear Reader,
Today I’m mad at my hair.
Mainly because my forehead hurts like a motherf*cker. The sound of a curling iron on the hottest setting sizzling my skin off is pretty sickening. It was at that point that I ripped the cord out of the outlet and stormed out of the bathroom.
……
The other day, I can’t remember what Ben and I were talking about, but he happened to point out that I’ve worn a dress ONCE in the ten months we’ve been together. I hadn’t really thought about it… I’m not a huge fan of wearing dresses. Well, maybe that’s not true. I guess I wouldn’t mind dressing up if there were someplace to go. But the fanciest place I’ve been out to in the past six months is Outback Steakhouse, so I really don’t need anything but my jeans and CSUF t-shirts.
But the point here is that I was browsing the internet for some cute dresses that I could actually fit me and my food-baby into. I found one at Torrid that I really like, and I’m actually considering spending a good chunk of my weekly paycheck on it (there goes my Del Taco fund).
However, a girl can’t wear a $65 dress with a half-assed ponytail… so I decided I would just have to make my hair look fabulous. As impulsive as always, I figured that Target didn’t close for another 40 minutes and I had time to drive up the street and get myself a curling iron. This couldn’t wait until tomorrow. My fantasy of sexy, wavy, moviestar hair just had to become a reality as soon as possible.
So I threw on a jacket and boots with my man-shorts and wet hair and raided Target of its curling irons and styling products. I got heat protection spray, curling spray, hair spray, and an iron which claimed to be great for long-lasting curls in hard-to-curl hair. The answer to my prayers! Sure, it came to $28, but it was going to be well worth it!
I hurried home, dried my hair (the only reason I own a hair dryer is because my grandma bought it for me), and sprayed all kinds of stuff in it, just like the bottles said to. Still optimistic, I started to curl. My mom used to curl my hair when I was a kid, so I thought I had the general idea of how to do it. Apparently not, because it wasn’t working. So I brought in my laptop and looked up some videos on Youtube. The woman in the video was just going to a picnic, she said, and she wanted to do something cute, quick, and easy to her hair. She just stuck the curling iron in there, twisted it, yanked out out, and VOILA! her hair was perfect. I tried doing the same thing, and the most I got was a slightly (and I mean slightly) curled end. I did that a few times, in different spots, and it was all to no avail. I turned the iron up to the hottest setting, hoping it would help. Nope.
Angrily, I took some hair from the front and tried it. I twisted the iron under, but I obviously got too close because I immediately heard a sickening sizzling sound.
Now I have a most attractive, very large burn on my forehead that spells “DUMBASS”.
Obviously I need professional help.
Forever your depressing blogger,
Stefi
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